Conversations with my….parents: Foosball is the Debbil!

Published January 10, 2015 by Rebecca Martin

Normally I post about the unknowingly comical things that come out of my mother’s mouth. But today was a double-whammy in the Martin household. Mom had just returned home from Saturday afternoon errands when…

Mom: I started to go to Wal-mart, but there was a big line. Then I got to Harris Teeter and there was a big line there too. Then I remembered tomorrow’s the Super Bowl.

Dad (as if she’s insane) Tomorrow’s not the Super Bowl!! (momentary pause.) Is it? (Comes into the den aka “the library” where I’m listening to “Bills, Bills, Bills” by Destiny’s Child.) Rebecca, is tomorrow the Super Bowl?

Me: *shrugs*

About two minutes later, for the benefit of the entire household, Dad declares, “The Super Bowl’s February 1.”

*crickets* then…

Me: You looked up information on the Internet that is completely irrelevant to everyone in this house?

Dad: *sheepish-grin-shoulder-shrug combo* What can I say, I like to be informed.

Knowing him, he wants to be able to talk to his co-workers about the game, even though he’ll only look at the recaps on the news the next day. This happens during the World Series, too.

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“Wher yo’ man?”

Published December 2, 2014 by Rebecca Martin

Three students showed up for my English class today (note: this is not my ESL class, it’s my community college class, pre-ENG 111). One of my students looked up from her writing and said:

“Miss Martin, this is kinda off topic, but….wher yo’ man?”

Me: “….I’m sorry?”

“You so nice. You ain’t got a man?” (Wait…I’m nice?!)

“Um, (insert name of student here), being nice doesn’t mean I have to have a man.” (momentary pause). “How long have you been wondering about this?”

“Since the first week of class.”

Then I went on to enumerate all the reasons I should continue to be without a man. But I couldn’t help thinking: I’m glad my student was focused on my relationship status and not her pesky education.

Conversations with My Mother: The Papers

Published July 10, 2014 by Rebecca Martin

Me: One of the local community theaters is doing a play called “The Papers”. I’m going to audition.

Mom: When is the play?

Me: Auditions are in December, rehearsals start in January, the play runs for two or three weekends starting at the end of February.

Mom: (reminiscing) Years ago, when we lived in Norfolk, I tried out for a play. It was a comedy about an ingenue; that’s all I knew about it. I kept laughing when I was supposed to be reading. It was funny, I couldn’t help it. (beat) They didn’t put me in the play. 

Me: Yeah, that happens sometimes. I laughed yesterday while reading for a part in an audition I went to. I couldn’t help it either. This play was really funny.

Mom: Was that audition yesterday for “The Papers”?

Me: (disbelief) Mom, when are auditions for “The Papers”?

Mom: (giggling as she realizes) Oh. Right.

Me: (repeating, annoyed) Mom, when are auditions for “The Papers”?

Mom: December.

Me: And what month is this? Is it December? No, because it’s hot out, isn’t it?

Mom: (still giggling slightly) Okay, I’m not three!

Me: …..

Breaking News: Barack Obama worst President since WWII

Published July 3, 2014 by Rebecca Martin

According to a Reuter’s poll, voters aren’t very happy with President Obama right now.(http://news.yahoo.com/u-poll-more-voters-see-obama-worst-president-122609810.html)

After reading the article, I question the authenticity of the poll results. Who was polled? What’s the age demographic of those polled in relation to rating the presidents from President Truman’s administration?

“Most voters said Ronald Reagan, who served two terms in the 1980s, was the best president since 1945, the survey showed.”

Ah yes, President Reagan. About ten years ago, I was talking to a college student who was going on and on about what a great president Ronald Reagan had been. I thought about this for a moment and said, “Wait…you were born in 1981, right?” He affirmed this, and I then said “How can you say what kind of President he was? You were born during the first year of his presidency and you wearing diapers for the first two or three years.” Judging from the look on his face, the student didn’t appreciate my candid argument.

I was seven years old when Reagan became President, and even I only remember bits and pieces from his presidency – the assassination attempt, the Iran Contra scandal, and the end of the Cold War. It wasn’t until I was much older –  well after President Reagan was out of office – that I was even aware of events like the Immigration Reform Act or the kerfuffle between President Reagan and Bruce Springsteen when the President attempted to use Springsteen’s “Born In the USA” as a campaign song for his re-election campaign. You know why I didn’t know about it? Because I was a child during both terms of the Reagan administration. In his first term, I didn’t pay attention to any sort of news outlet unless the news was being delivered by one Kermit the Frog. I don’t have enough information to ascertain whether President Reagan was a good or bad President.

According to the results of the Reuters poll, “33 percent said Obama was the worst president since World War Two, while 28 percent pointed to his predecessor, George W. Bush, as the worst.”

I will admit, I was not a big supporter of some of the decisions made by President George W. Bush. But would I rate him as the worst President? What would be my basis for comparison? It would be unfair to give him any sort of rating since I didn’t start developing any real interest in politics until Bill Clinton was campaigning for President. Even then my interest didn’t go any further than “ooh, this candidate from Arkansas sure knows how to give a good speech!” I find it difficult to believe that some of the people who were polled recently were far more politically aware than I was.

All I’m saying is take these poll numbers with a grain of salt, folks.

It’s all about the beard

Published July 2, 2014 by Rebecca Martin

I just realized something about myself: I get inexplicably angry when musicians from my favorite bands make major changes to their facial hair.

I hate the Fu Manchu mustache being sported by people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) and Justin Hawkins (The Darkness). I lost my mind when Joe Perry and Dan Hawkins were sporting similar Fu-taches. I nearly had a seizure when Foxy Shazam’s Sky White shaved off all his hair and became apoplectic when I saw recent photos of Foxy’s drummer, Aaron McVeigh, who appears to have adopted Sky’s look from two or three years ago.

By the same token, I would be devastated if Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead), Daisy Caplan (Foxy Shazam), or Frankie Poullain (The Darkness) got rid of their facial hair. What the hell is wrong with me that I’m so emotionally invested in this particular aspect of their faces? (That’s a rhetorical questions. Please don’t respond with a laundry list of what’s wrong with me.)

 

My mom and Meshach Taylor

Published June 29, 2014 by Rebecca Martin

RIP to Meshach Taylor aka “Anthony” on Designing Women as well as the flamboyant (aka super-gay) designer in the film “Mannequin.”  Remember Anthony’s constant references to his former inmate T-Tommy? Remember when, for some reason, he was carrying Bernice up the stairs of Sugarbaker’s as she sang “black man, black man.”

Me: Hey Mom, Meshach Taylor died.

Mom: The black guy? (long pause)

Me: *snicker*

Mom: From “Designing Women”

Me. Yes, the black guy mom. The ONLY black guy.

Mom: Well he WAS the only black guy on “Designing Women”.

 

Fair point, but that’s not what her pregnant pause suggested.